onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
