He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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