He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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