Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
