just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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