I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
