so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
