I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
