They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
