Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
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