Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
