i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
