i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
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