I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
