its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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