So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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