sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
