So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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