I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
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