We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
