Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Randomize