I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
