i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
