Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Randomize
