barbara walters just said penis...
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
