he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
