i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
