Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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