His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Randomize
