He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Randomize
