Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
