i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
