Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
