apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
