It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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