I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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