Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
