I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
