he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
