dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
