the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
