So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
