What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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