I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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