...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
