i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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