I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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