nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
