hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
