My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
