Porn is love you can see.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
