i think my tv is drunk
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
