2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
