hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
