I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
