Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
