It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
I think I am morally bankrupt
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
