She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
