Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Randomize
