Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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