Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
