No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
