Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
