Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
