is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
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