clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i wish my penis had a tongue
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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