Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
