Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
